What am I supposed to believe? What am I supposed to do? In a place like this where nothing stays like it is, a time which I never seem to get a hold on for a while- I guess everything just moved too fast. It’s the memories. It’s my brain. So many memories made in a really limited time. They constantly play in my head, I swear, every single little thing. I remember every small thing so precisely. Even when I’m sleeping, my subconscious is constantly thinking of it. No matter what I do, there is no escape. How am I supposed to make things right? What is the right thing to do? How am I supposed to settle this? It’s like my mind constantly keeps asking me this question. What do you think? What’s right? What’s wrong? I seem to fail to find a balance in which I can proudly say that everything is just right. Truth is there is no “my heart says something and my brain says something else”. It’s like you keep desperately asking yourself one question- what do you want? What do you believe is true? And what answer do you get? Silence, confusion, CHAOS. Is this supposed to be? Aren’t we a little too young to step out in the rain just to cry a little freely? Aren’t we a little too young to glance at the setting sun and wish to disappear somewhere where there’s no need to do the right thing? At the end of the day, I think, none of what we constantly keep thinking changes anything. You don’t wanna fall asleep tonight? Don’t. Don’t wanna wake up for days? Don’t. Don’t feel like talking to that mean person? Don’t. Don’t feel like eating? Don’t. Don’t feel like running that extra mile? Don’t. Of course, that’s a temporary don’t. But I happen to be a firm believer of taking breaks. Once in a while- as little as 1% of the time, you gotta get what you really want. THAT is what you need. And honestly, I wouldn’t judge. It’s a rule that society expects us to fit in. There is no option. And while it is rather easy to say that you can make a change, truth is, you get to change nothing. But you get this one life. There was nothing before it, there will be nothing after it. At least for you. Again, aren’t we a little too young to be thinking about death and what comes after it? At this point, I’ve forgotten what it’s like to have a mind clear of thoughts. Every time I close my eyes, it’s like a thousand memories cross my mind. Aren’t we a little too young to feel a little lost inside? With every breath I take, I sometimes feel myself going insane. Getting lost, walking deeper into the maze I’m so completely and utterly lost in. Somedays I wish I could just sleep my way through life. Somedays I wish I didn’t have to sleep at all. Sleep is our escape, dreams are nothing less than enchanting. But there is no escaping reality, is there? The timing’s all wrong, I wish I could go on forever and sometimes I wish I wouldn’t. There’s just no way. My subconscious has created a barrier I couldn’t possibly cross. Not this time. This is the reality. I might escape it from time to time, but the escape is only from my own thoughts. Our worlds are a mixture of chaos, with something somewhere just right that gives the chaos a purpose, it makes the chaos sensible. What if you lose that one thing? Wish nothing was “wrong”. Wish nothing was too tough to happen. Wish everyone was truly happy, in and out. Wish nothing was too far out of our reach. Wish we could always be, as we were, in our happy time together.